Women on top!

Why do some people in general and women in particular have low self-esteem? Why do they linger in the background and melt when given the chance to say their piece? The good news is that self-confidence is a skill that can be learned and perfected, says Sahar Haffaar Moussly, Executive Director, Trans Gulf Management Consultancy.

Self-confidence is an attitude, which allows individuals to have positive, yet realistic view of themselves; they trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect.

People who lack self-confidence depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure and shy away from opportunities because of their fear and low self esteem. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them.

It has been proven that millions of people live miserable lives because they have low self-esteem, and I dare say that the level of your self confidence decides how successful you can be in your life, especially in the work place.

Most of the time low self-confidence comes from the thoughts that run through your head and the negative messages that you feed to yourself.

So, what are the characteristics of the confident lady, who is walking around the office, jumping to grab opportunities and is going places, having been promoted several times versus the hardworking woman who lacks self confidence and simply stays in the shadows?

A confident woman would be able to accept and learn from her own mistakes and is confident, without being obnoxious or conceited. On the other hand she is not devastated by criticism and she is not overly defensive when questioned or when she commits a mistake.

A confident woman cannot be easily defeated by setbacks and obstacles, and is unlikely to feel a need to put others down.

A confident lady or a person is open and assertive in communicating her needs, yet she does not feel the need to be aggressive to prove herself. They don’t take themselves too seriously and are able to laugh at themselves.

To build and develop that confidence of yours, as a woman, the first step is to discover who you are. Find the root of why you often feel the way you do. After finding out the root, deal with it by facing this struggle and filtering those negative messages from your head; messages that you heard from people around you, or the ones that are produced by the inner critic in you who is counting every mistake that you have committed.

You have to realise that failure is not bad; it is an opportunity to learn and without making mistakes we cannot grow as individuals and working professionals.

Write down what your strengths are and work on highlighting them; in other words learn and be aware of the things you do well and the skills that you have perfected to use them, as this will give you more confidence in yourself.

Study what skills you need to excel in your job and get training in the skills that you lack in. If you feel you are an expert in what you are doing, you will feel you are in control and this will boost your self confidence.

Practice being confident on a daily basis by reliving an event or situation in your life where you felt confident; relive the occasion and learn to act confidently until it becomes a habit.

Learn how to be assertive without being aggressive. Fortunately, you can learn to be assertive and still be sociably acceptable. You want to be assertive without being a bully or a person who is seeking dominance.

To learn, to be assertive, you should define the values that you believe in and live by and know your facts before you enter into any new venture and use them effectively.

Anticipate other people’s objections and behaviour, and prepare suitable responses that will only happen after careful consideration of the people and types of characters around you.

Practice controlling your tone and your reaction to be able to defend yourself with open questions that allow you to retake the initiative.

Use positive affirmations about your own strength and have faith in yourself and the fact that you will ultimately achieve the goals which you have set for yourself and that you are working to fulfil.

Find a mentor or a coach who can assist you in defining your purpose in life, highlight your strengths and support you whilst offering challenges that will force you to step out of your comfort zone. A coach will assist you by putting forward the right questions to help you gain more confidence and become the assertive person you need to be.

To maintain you self confidence I advise you to:

• Make sure that you keep learning new skills that are needed for you to be the expert at work and celebrate your strengths and achievements. In this day and age learning will never stop when you leave university or you get your qualifications; you have to keep working on improving yourself.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn a lesson from previous failures and mistakes.
• Don’t dwell on your weaknesses; every human has weaknesses. Instead take a note of your strengths and highlight them.
• Change the way you talk to yourself and stop putting yourself down!

Increasing self-confidence involves ups and downs; as long as you’re enjoying more highs than lows you’re on your way to healthy self-esteem!

About

Sahar Haffar Moussly is a Dubai based, UK-certified Life Coach and NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner. Today she runs two businesses. Alongside her life coaching practice, Life in Harmony, Sahar is also Executive Director of Trans Gulf Management Consultancy (TGMC), a firm specialising in conference interpretation and translations service, which was established in 1997.

TGMC was listed as a finalist in the SME Advisor Stars of Business Awards, 2010, in the category of Professional Services.

With over 25 years experience in the corporate world, Sahar holds a BA in English Language and Translation gained from Damascus University, and an MA in International Diplomacy gained at the University of Washington. She went on to become a qualified interpreter and translator, gaining a diploma in simultaneous translation and interpretation from the UK and became a member of the Chartered Institute of Linguists.

In 2010 Sahar published a research and guidebook in Arabic entitled, Welcome to Tomorrow, which introduces the topic of life coaching and self development to Arab audiences. The book was launched in Damascus in January 2010.

For more information about Life in Harmony visit www.lifeinharmony.me